Here it is.
My first post.
I have been going back and forth, contemplating, writing, rewriting, and deleting for months. I have always loved the idea of starting a blog, but every time I would sit down to begin overwhelming thoughts would creep in like spiders crawling out from under an old blanket. Every time I would get the courage to pick the blanket back up, one at a time, the spiders would run out. The higher I’d pick it up, the more that would run out. I don’t know about you, but I HATE spiders. Those creepy creatures with their eight or sixteen or however many legs that run like torpedoes toward their targeted object, or in my case, me. Yeah, no thanks.
I finally realized, though, those spiders are only a figment of my imagination. They are objects I created in my mind out of fear. In actuality, there was only one spider that came out when I tried to lift that blanket. One spider that I easily could have crushed the first time it made its appearance, yet I allowed my mind to run with the potential “what-ifs” that made me drop the blanket and run back into where I know it’s safe. That one spider in my case has been fear. Fear of what my family and friends thought, of not knowing how to build a website, of feeling like I am not talented enough to do well, and a fear that I just might fail if I were to fully commit. All too common fears. Isn’t that the point, though? To do things in our lives that scare the living crap out of us, because we know that the reward is greater than the fear itself…
Looking back on my life, I have made a lot of terrifying choices, but not once have I regretted a single one, so why is this fear so much bigger?
The answer is it’s not.
The thing I have learned about fear is that its sole job is to keep you and me from putting ourselves in situations that could potentially cause harm. Fear is made to keep us from taking risks and going out of our comfort zones. After all, safety and homeostasis are our bodies number one goal. Yes, fear can be beneficial as it keeps us from doing things that have a higher percentage of harming us or those we love, but learning to find that middle ground is vitally important to living a life full of promise and fulfillment. Nothing fruitful, amazing, or worthy comes from staying in our tiny sphere of people we have been friends with for three decades, from living in the same house for years, or staying at the same dreadful job. Fear is what we allow it to be or what we create in our minds. As my dad has always told me, the problem is not the problem, it’s what I think about the problem that’s the problem.
I am terribly afraid of what could happen if I stepped into this new territory of putting my life on display for whoever wants to see, but I am more afraid of the “what if” of not taking that step and regretting it for the rest of my life. I may still be scared, afraid, and feel inadequate, but I’m doing it.
All that to say, I have no idea what it will all look like, how often I will post, or what my content will include, but I am ready to face my fear and let God take the rest in his hands to use me for his plans.
After all, this life is not mine but his alone.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord you God will be with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9